1 THE MAN WHO WOULD BE KING SNAKE Right now, when you vote for a political party, that party receives $2 per vote. It’s a good system that helps level the playing field between the parties. Conservative leader Stephen Harper, however, has promised to scrap the per-vote subsidy given to political parties if he wins a majority. This is bad. Because the Conservatives have the wealthiest supporters, this move would benefit them immensely and badly harm parties like the NDP and Greens. Harper is the former head of the National Citizen’s Coalition and in that role he fought election spending limits.

Canada’s richest people have the most ability to contribute to politicians. A person who fights election spending limits believes that the people who have the most money should have the most influence in our democracy. Bad.

2 TORONTO ALT-WEEKLY KICKED OUT OF CITY HALL BY OVER-SENSITIVE SNAKES Some people say prairie dog is mean. Pshaw. My friends, this is what mean looks like. Of course when you have a terrible, awful, no-good very bad mayor like Rob Ford, there’s an argument for mean.

3 YOUR RENT IS RISSSING, HISS LANDLORDS,  I got my 25% rent increase notice last week. My rent’s been really low for years, so I’ll be okay. Unlike the poor people living in this building. We need rent control; we also need a bunch of new apartments to cool off the market. This is ridiculous.

4 NEW YORK’S ANKLES BREATHE A SIGH OF RELIEF The Bronx Zoo cobra was apprehended yesterday afternoon. I’m told we’ll have an interview with her in our next issue.