Now, this video just leaves me confused. I mean, who am I supposed to be rooting for, exactly? It’s so unclear.

First there’s Daniel Baldwin (black coat, Christmas-hater running for mayor). Admittedly, he’s looking pretty puffy and waxen — like he’s only doing this between reality-show gigs so he can pay for another cocaine bender — but up until lately he’s always been the coolest of the Baldwins. No, seriously. He was Beau Felton on Homicide and, as if that’s not enough, Tony Montoya in Vampires. How can you not love the guy and want to see him triumph over the Christian hordes with all their threatening nativity scenes and cable-knit sweaters?

But then we have Ted McGinley. I think this might be the first time a Christian film has hired a bona-fide saint to star (McGinley, as you all know, having been declared the patron saint of shark-jumping by none other than founder Jon Hein). I’ve always had a soft spot for Ted even though his appearance on a show is usually a sign that it’s made the shift from benign entertainment into full-on cornball spectacle. First, he was replacement Ritchie on Happy Days then he was replacement Marci’s husband on Married… with Children. Here he seems to be replacement Kirk Cameron in your Average God-Fearing Joe Versus Secular Scourge film du jour, holiday Christmas version.

And that should set off warning bells for Christians everywhere. If Ted McGinley is the guy you’ve picked as your latest Everyman, it’s a clear sign the whole evangelical movement has started a long, inexorable slide towards an ignoble and fairly embarrassing cancellation.

So, yeah, clearly that makes me love Ted even more.

Ultimately what it comes down to is that kitchen. Ted and his fictional family have this folksy, suburban, dark oak thing going on and that is something I just cannot abide.

Go team Baldwin!