1. THIS IS HOW TO MAKE EDUCATED MIDDLE-CLASS CANADIANS ANGRY. The National Post has cooked up a list of the Ten Most Overrated Canadian Authors. It covers the gamut, from Michael Ondaatje to – ohh! – Yann Martel, whose success with Life of Pi has baffled me for years. UPDATE: It looks James covered this yesterday. Also, Paul has followed up with a post on the Ten Most Underrated Canadian authors. James and Paul: is there anything they can’t do? Besides beat me in a beard-growing competition (I have a head start, you see)?

2. EVEN IF IT IS A WONDERFUL WORLD, THE FOLLOWING FATE AWAITS YOU. George David Weiss, the songwriter behind “The Lion Sleeps Tonight,” “I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You” and “What A Wonderful World,” has died at the age of 81.

3. CMA URGES A BAN ON MIXED MARTIAL ARTS. The Canadian Medical Association intends to do what they can to put a stop to Ultimate Fighting-style competitions in Canada. Why, CMA? Is it because they’re pounding the living crap out of one another? Is it all the hitting into near unconsciousness? Or does Brock Lesnar kindle a fire in your loins so hot that it burns down your houses?

brock lesnar mma

Brock Lesnar strangling a man to death with his buttocks

4. BISPHENOL-A IS BANISHED TO THE LAND OF UNEMPLOYMENT CLAIMS AND LIBERTY. Tasty bisphenol-A, that whirring little molecule that’ll slice up your endocrine systems and probably deform your progeny, is being added to Environment Canada’s list of toxic substances. But don’t worry! You will still be able to enjoy bisphenol-A in the increasingly joyless but unquestionably free United States of America.

5. THREE CANADIANS DEAD IN BUS HIJACKING. Ken Leung and his two daughters Doris and Jessie have died in a hostage incident in the Philippines.

6. AND I HEAR PAT FIACCO USED TO PUNCH GUYS IN THE FACE DELIBERATELY. Sam Katz, the mayor of Winnipeg, kicked a boy in the face during a soccer match. He claims it was accidental, but you never know – kids these days are really asking for it. I don’t mean they’re rude or annoying or anything; I’m referring to the growing trend of face-kicking parties. Because no one can afford good pot anymore.