1 FORMER ALASKA SENATOR TED STEVENS DEFINITELY DEAD IN A PLANE CRASH. Along with four other people, Ted Stevens, former Alaska senator and Republican pork magnet died in a plane crash. Strangely enough, this was Stevens’ second plane crash – the first, in 1978 at Anchorage Airport, killed his wife.

2 MCNUGGET ABSENCE SPARKS DRIVE-THROUGH RAGE. I never thought anyone would care whether a McDonald’s restaurant had any corn corn sugar pressed chicken bits glued together with corn Chicken McNuggets for its angry hungry customers. Live and learn.

3 CALGARY HAILSTORM INSURANCE CLAIMS SET A NEW RECORD OF $400 MILLION. Oh. My. God. What an insurance claim. Insurance! Actuarial tables! Big companies who have money and the little guys who want money! Also, there was a huge hailstorm, which, you know, climate change and human misery.

4 VERY MANLY MAN FOUND GUILTY IN VANCOUVER GAY-BASHING CASE. The verdict has come down: Shawn Woodward, 37, has been found guilty of walking up to Ritch Dowrey, 62, outside a gay bar in Vancouver and beating him so badly that Dowrey now has permanent brain damage and can no longer care for himself. According to Woodward, Dowrey was totally coming onto him and touching his crotch and being all gay-like. And if Woodward is any one thing, it’s not gay. How we do know that he’s not gay? Because he destroyed a gay man’s life with his fists. Sentencing takes place on October 22.