Up until the other day, I didn’t have too much interest in LeBron James, that crazy Cleveland kid with hoop-targeting skills from Jehovah, apparently. But after his absurd television spectacle in which the only thing that happened consisted of the word “Miami,” I’m suddenly interested.

Because now everyone seems to hate LeBron James for a variety of reasons. Some people believe that his crass media manipulation has exposed sport as a crass, hollow¬†business, a rip in the tear of our cultural fabric through which the inevitable howling void can be seen to howl. Check out Ethan Sherwood Strauss’ gnashing of teeth on Salon.com:

Now, as a devoted NBA-booster and LeBron James fan, I feel taken for a ride. A man’s obsessed-over decision to wear different garb when he throws a ball into a ring was expressed in such a way as to make the absurdity of that situation manifest.

Miami and Cleveland sport similar colors, but LeBron James really exchanged gray skies for blue. He will abandon his hometown fans for a glitzier situation — because he can. LeBron probably never cared about them in the first place. And if he never cared about them, then why do I care about LeBron, athletes or sports in general?

My favourite blast of Bron-hate comes from the Dan Gilbert, majority owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers. In an open letter to James written in motherfucking Comic Sans, he promises that the Cavaliers will win the NBA championship before Miami. And he invokes heavy karma in the process:

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that’s simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown “chosen one” sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And “who” we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called “curse” on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former “King” will be taking the “curse” with him down south. And until he does “right” by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Seriously, go read the letter. The Comic Sans is big and blue and there are angry quotation marks all over the place, like tire damage spikes thrown down wherever.