1 THEY’RE CALLING IT “CANADIAN PRESS ENTERPRISES”? OHHHH GOOD. Sounds like the venerable non-profit news co-op will be sold to its corporate subscribers because its got massive pension problems. (StarPhoenix). I think CP did a good job as it was. I think rebuilding it as a for-profit enterprise will hurt it. I hope I’m wrong. And I know CP’s only in this position because it was sabotaged by CanWest and Quebcor, who dropped out in 2007 and 2009, respectively because CP doesn’t have a ginormous right-wing bias reporting news is expensive and corporations only care about making the biggest possible profit.

2 HE DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS ON THE RECORD The head of CSIS who’s now famous for saying Canadian politicians are influenced by foreign powers provides “a degree of granularity” to his screw-up (Globe And Mail). A degree of what-now?

3 HEAT, FLOODS, HURRICAINES, NOTHING TO SEE HERE FOLKS There’s a heat wave in Ontario and Quebec that’s got Toronto declaring an “extreme heat alert”. And the flood that’s creamed Yorkton and the tornados that smashed Kawacatoose are both national news. (CBC, Winnipeg Free Press, Vancouver Sun)

4 CIGARETTES ARE SUPPOSED TO TASTE LIKE CRAP Canada bans disgusting flavoured puffsticks to save the children(Canadian Press/Toronto Star). Conservatives like big government when it gets them votes. Also, I need one of my friends with a car to drive me to the cigar shop before the next production run. Carle? Erin? Darrol? This is important. I need a good cigar on production nights. It’s my special “stop Steve from going crazy” treat. And there must be no more substitute Century Sam shenanigans. Century Sams taste liked Pillsbury icing and ashtray.

5 THE DAY AFTER THE QUEEN WAS THERE THEY FIND A HEAD AND TORSO AT THE FORKS IN WINNIPEG The head was not fresh. It’s probably a coincidence the Queen was at the scene. Probably. (CBC)

6 IDIOT BLOWS ARM OFF WITH JULY 4 FIREWORKS Read the story here and satisfy your morbid curiosity and need to feel superior. (MSNBC)