1. CANADIAN MUSIC STARS KEEP CAUSING RIOTS IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES. Remember when a Justin Bieber concert in Australia sparked a massive pre-teen riot? And you thought the madness was over? As the Giant said to Agent Cooper: It Is Happening Again. This time the culprit is Drake, that super-smooth rising star of hip-hop known to us from Degrassi: The Next Generation. A free concert in New York with Ninja Sonik and Hanson (!) was cancelled, apparently by a nervous NYPD. Did they think a riot would ensue? Anyway, a riot ensued.

2. HAPPY BLOOMSDAY! Irish people and depraved Aran sweater-wearing nerds across the world today will celebrate the day in the life of peripatetic Leopold Bloom, the main character of Joyce’s Ulysses, and attempt to recreate his fictional wanderings around Dublin on June 16, 1904. Is anything happening in Regina? I will probably be down at O’Hanlon’s after work, wishing people a happy Bloomsday, much to everyone’s increasing delight.

3. OBAMA SPEAKS. NO ONE LIKES. Reaction to Obama’s speech on the Gulf oil spill, the one with the exponentially increasing amounts of black poison devouring the cradle of life (see: Evil), has been unfavourable. The funniest quotation yet comes from Robert Reich: “his words hung in the air with all the force of a fundraiser for your local public access TV station”.

4. ARE VUVUZELAS RUINING YOUR WORLD CUP EXPERIENCE? By far, the worst thing about the FIFA World Cup is the awful drone of the vuvuzela. But now there’s a way to cancel out that unbelievable noise on your television. Have at it, nerds.

5. BROKE? WHITE? CONSIDERED A CAREER AS A FAKE WHITE BUSINESSMAN? White guys in China can find work posing as businessmen. I knew the global economy would finally turn in favour of white guys. It was just a matter of time.

6. APOLOGETIC HOMOPHOBE MAKES STADIUM-BASED PROMISES. Conservative MP Tom Lukiskiw, a man who once worried about the state of gay people’s fingernails, has made some vague promises about federal money for the proposed stadium. Doesn’t Tom know what goes on in those stadium bathrooms?