Queen City Confidential | by Anonymous

I’m glad you like my pets! I love meeting people who love animals, and I’m happy to answer questions — with one exception. If you’ve just met me and Muffin, asking “how much did she cost?” is NOT COOL. First, Muffin’s “cost” has nothing to do with her value. I love her! She’s my freakin’ pet! Second, why do you assume she cost ANYTHING? Ever heard of the Humane Society? Do you think they breed and sell animals to make profits for shareholders?

Third, it’s SUPER GROSS to think of animals only in terms of their cost. The bond between people and their pets is a small spark of beauty in a shitty, fallen world. Your materialistic attitude debases a lovely thing. Quit being a creep who makes everything about money!

Why do you want to know, anyway? Are you wondering what you could get for Muffin on Kijiji? Are you thinking about stealing my PET? Eff YOU! Find another way to get your iPhone out of the pawn shop. Jerk.

FURY UNLEASHED Queen City Confidential is an open forum for Prairie Dog readers to anonymously share their petty rants, workplace gripes, romantic woes and complaints about friends and family. E-mail your submission to confidential@prairiedogmag.com (type CONFIDENTIAL in the subject field). Change everyone’s names and identifying details. Submissions must be 100–200 words and don’t even THINK about asking what they cost. P.S., they’re free.