QUEEN CITY CONFIDENTIAL by Anonymous
I’m sorry I pooped on your lawn. When I left my friend’s house (walking) I didn’t have to go, but 15 minutes later stuff was happening. And since it was after midnight and nothing nearby was open, and you had a perfect, dark corner where no one could see me from the street and I couldn’t hold it, I pooped. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I realize this is probably not going to be a satisfactory explanation for the poor property owner who found my frozen turd on his or her property, but it’s the truth. This wasn’t a prank, personal attack or twisted message from some freak who hates you. I just had to poo really, really bad and your yard paid the price.
I hope my poopsicle wasn’t too horrible to deal with. Again, I’m so sorry. If it makes you feel better, I still pooped my pants a little.
FOR CONTRITE COPROMANIACS ONLY Queen City Confidential is an open forum for Prairie Dog readers to anonymously share their petty rants, workplace gripes, romantic woes and nausea-inducing confessions. You can say nice things too. E-mail your submission to firstname.lastname@example.org (type CONFIDENTIAL in the subject field). Submissions must be 100-200 words, and you have to change everyone’s names and identifying details. Always wash your hands thoroughly before hitting “send”.