Mayor of the Sea: Terror of the SeaDear Constituents and Drylanders,

In politics, it’s not considered good form to admit weakness or talk about the things we fear. Own up to fear, today’s wisdom goes, and you may as well flip yourself around and outline your dark ventral side against the light. But let’s paddle backward a bit and really think about this attitude. After all, aren’t our fears the very things that make us cetaceans? Or at least cetacean-like, which is something that every species can aspire to.

Because I have fears. There are things that wake me in the night, damp with sweat (and not sea water). For instance, the waste water referendum. People, do you know how close we came to the desiccation of all my carefully moistened plans? If the Yes vote had carried and the treatment plant remained in the hands of the public sector, control would have remained in the hands of the public sector and I would’ve never been able to do what I’m currently of the process of doing.

Which is nothing, actually!

When you subject a water plant to the merciless imperative of the profit motive, it’s only a matter of time until the working conditions degrade, repair orders go unfilled and glorious water floods the streets and turns this arid, landlocked town into a place suitable for fish and otters and whales and more whales.

Not to mention those birds who stand around in the water with the spindly long legs and the funny knees.

Why do those birds stand around all day? Now that I think about it, standing on one leg doesn’t set much of an example for our youth. I need to get some vagrancy laws enacted, in case of long-legged birds. There’s always an undesirable element to take care of. But have no fear, constituents of Aqua-Regina. We’ll deal with those birds and their weird legs.

Yours in submersion,
The Palinode
Mayor of The Sea